The Sparrows

Out Of Darkness Into The Light
By Martha © 1994

Excerpts Taken From Out Of Darkness Into The Light
Book Found In How To Cope Books Section


I am a nobody. I have no one famous to say, her words are good. I have done nothing bad enough to be executed for, nor done any good thing to be praised for.......I am a nobody.

I was one of three children born to a poor family, being a daughter born in between two boys, my father an alcoholic, my mother one who loved us, singing to us of JESUS, living a life of faith saying, everything comes out in the wash, and chickens always come home to roost. These were Mama’s little sayings to tell us of judgment, to say, you will reap what you sow and that every sin will come back upon our doorstep for us to account to GOD. Her little sayings have followed me my whole lifetime, one being more vivid in my memory than the rest, You have made your bed, now lay in it. How many times I laid in a bed I had made, not realizing my hands had made it myself, but blaming all others but myself for the bed I laid in. How blind our eyes are to our own selves. The mother who loved me so greatly, had become the enemy of my heart, when at fifteen my heart became darkened to love, and grew in hatred, my heart desiring the works of the flesh, hating the light of CHRIST in my mother. At the age of eighteen I left her home to seek the things of the world.

DEPRESSION. . . . .WHAT CAN BE SAID FOR IT? Having been its prisoner for twenty years before parole, and I say parole, for it is a power of hell ever lurking to again regain its captive, I must go back to the onset or beginning of his bondage.

The apostle Paul has recorded his testimony for us to learn by as we see it working in our lives also. He said, I see this law at work in my members and it is directly opposed to the law of GOD. It continually wants to bring me back into bondage to the pains, sins and sorrows of the flesh. And when I desire to do good, evil is always present, too. O, wretched man that I am; who can possibly deliver me from this bondage of death? He also said, I die daily. I daily discipline my own body bringing it into subjection to the Spirit of GOD; for I have learned that after I have preached to others, I might then be overcome myself and brought back into the bondage of the corrupt flesh and be cast away from GOD because of sin. Paul was not deceived about the power of the flesh, nor satan, nor did he doubt the power of GOD to deliver, for he went on to say, Thanks be to GOD who gives us the victory in CHRIST JESUS!

All depression has its root in fear, fear having its root in the inability to face truth. This seed is planted in all men, having greater power in some, less in others. Depression comes as a retreat of the mind to ignore truth, any truth, great or small, that is painful. What may be painful to me may not be painful to you.

I can give you a long list of why I would be depressed, or sad, or blue, whatever term you may call having no joy in living. But the reasons are only evidence that depression has been born and has grown and developed into a large tree, having born its fruit in all the evidences in my life or reasons, I thought, for being depressed. I can also give you a long list of all the things I tried to bring healing for this self imposed malady, I thought. But the thing I want to say is that when a cancer is discovered in a man, there is no time to look at the whys. His life is at stake. The only concern at this point is what lifesaving measures should be or can be taken. Why should I waste your time in telling you the long, painful story of how I became as I was? If you need the help I did, then you want the medicine, not the history of your disease.


Depression is a real disease of the mind, soul, and spirit. I am speaking of the kind of depression that leaves you when it subsides with the knowledgeable fear that it will come again, with the body weary and battle worn as if coming through ten hours of jungle in l20 degree temperature with no water or rest; of depression that causes one to sleep three and four days in a row, only being out of bed in anger to do the necessities of maintenance of the body; depression that causes dishes to go undone in the sink for four and five days; depression that causes a stink of garbage to live in the house from neglect to take it out; depression that causes baby diapers to lie in the bathtub till they must be washed for there are no more clean ones, filled with urine, and stained from being not even rinsed out of baby’s mess; depression that causes one to lock the bedroom door to keep out intruders, to guard the dark room from being robbed of its safety; depression that causes one to sleep in a bed covered with sand, being even too weary of body to brush it out of the way, loving the solitude and comfort even a sandy bed gives to a tormented mind; when awake, depression that causes one to revile mother and father, husband and friend, driving all away that could or would help if they could; depression that makes death look sweet, yet the fear of death magnified out of proportion making one even incapable of attempting such a thing, with no energy to even care to do so. O, the list is endless, the fruits of depression . . . . .The most tormenting fruit of depression is the weariness of the body, making even walking a torment, and shortness of breath a constant pain, and a weariness that grows . . and grows. . .and grows making living impossible, till the mind, body and soul are engulfed and almost destroyed in a sea of blackness; each day being more dreaded than the day before . . . .each night being a refuge from the world in sleep.

The fruits are endless, these fruits of depression. As endless as what? eternity? hell? heaven? What can label the torment of depression? One does not even at the ending seek sin as an escape from it, for depression reaps its own fruit, the destruction of the soul, for this is satan’s plan and desire, for he has come to plunder, to steal, and to destroy. Why should I be tempted with sin? I had already walked that path to its depth, and destroyed my soul, and now satan puts his seal of depression upon me to seal my fate in my sins. Now, I was completely in his power, destroyed, for without faith, one cannot believe, and if one cannot believe, how then can one be saved? be delivered? be healed?

Satan had won a soul, not by sin, but by an avenue that millions travel unknown to them that they are headed to hell without GOD. For where faith and thanksgiving reign, depression has been dethroned and cast down. One in total destructive depression does not even desire sin, or anything good. Depression wants nothing, to do nothing, to be nothing, to give nothing, to receive nothing, to be nothing, nothing, nothing. And the reality of truth is, depression cannot do anything. It simply cannot. It is the fullness of the bondage of darkness and hell.

Someone once said, He was sent to bring out of darkness those that walked there-in. Somewhere in my childhood, at the Episcopal church or somewhere, those words had anchored deeply in my soul, buried in all my pain, and in all my darkness and torments, it would come to the surface of my mind like a balloon filled with air that cannot be held down, yet would at the same time, also be overcome by the darkness.

Even at twenty, a psychiatrist said, ‘In ten years, Martha, you will be hopelessly insane, unless you get help, now.’ Those words did a great deal for me. They gave me hope of someday at least being in a hospital where all things would be done for me and I would have to do nothing, be nothing, nor be expected to do anything. O, the darkness of depression. What can be likened to it? It appears to be a safety for a broken mind, but all the while the heart and soul is screaming out its death cry, Is there no one to help? no way out? It is a prison of darkness, a living death.

Chapter 1 God Loves Nobodies
Chapter 2 What Is Depression?
Chapter 3 Hell Is Real!
Chapter 4 Living With Two People
Chapter 5 Satan Dies! Christ Lives!
Chapter 6 Because He Lives, I too, Live!
Chapter 7 My Father
Chapter 8 Abide In The Light

Excerpts Taken From Out Of Darkness Into The Light, Written By Martha ©