The Sparrows

What Every Woman Needs To Know
By Martha 1996 ©

Excerpts Taken From What Every Woman Needs To Know
Book Found In How To Cope Books Section


We as adults, have collected within ourselves hundreds, no thousands or more, experiences and things and stuff, that have simply warped us in some ways, and prospered us in others, and yet, most of our days of growing up are filled with unsolved issues, and hidden pains, and buried animosities, that bring into our adult lives and relationships suitcases filled with all kinds of clothing and wraps that we put on and take off to suit each occasion, the real us, hidden underneath a cloak of smiles and hidden tears, and hypocrisies.

We are what we do. We do what we are. We are different persons to different people, we being cloaked with masks, and covered with pretenses, and show to all an acceptable face to be received and not rejected, to join in and not be cast away, and to be praised instead of corrected. We blame those present for past offenses, and we accuse the innocent of past transgressions committed against us by others. Firstly, we must accept that as we have been sinned against often, we have sinned often. Therefore, we must come to the mastery of our souls. Who is he? Who has mastered us?

The first cloak or wrap that controls our adult life, is centered around our relationship with our parents, firstly, our mother if we are female, and secondly, our father, and then if we are male, firstly our father, and then our mother. And if our own mothers and fathers came into their marriages smothered by childhood quirks and difficulties, they were involved in unsurmountable problems in their relationship and in their marriage already, and then comes babies, dirty diapers and crying children and sick babies and bills and debts, and transgressions, troubling the already churning waters, and the children are simply fed and clothed and housed, lacking that stability that must be instilled into us as children, the inward core of responsible righteousness.

So firstly, we have to travel back into our own minds and listen to our hearts and begin to heal from within, with the Lord’s help, bearing all our childhood hurts and lost days and years and simply sort them all out in our own minds and hearts, so that we can come to the place that we can sweep away all those things that are useless and profitless, and bad and hurtful, retaining only the good things that have built within us character, stability's, truthfulnesses, strengths, honesty's, love, and the qualities of mercy and patience.

To begin with, we take blame for nothing, and take blame for everything, and begin to sort things out. We take no blame for all that happened in our childhood's, but take all blame in adulthood for redoing, undoing, changing, repenting, restoring, making right, accepting God’s fulness of grace in Christ Jesus, receiving His forgiveness for sins done by us and to us, all things being directly in His hands, His responsibility to us being that if we turn to Him, He turns to us, and heals every wound, corrects every fault, helping us to undo all wrongs and make everything right, causing us to come round the corner every morning facing a new day full of light and victory over the past mistakes, with strength to overcome any new difficulties, with hope and trust for every tomorrow. He gives us the strength of change, of forgetfulness, and of trust.

And so, we sort. The first sorting is, what is the most important thing in our life? What do we think about the most, work at the most, and give up the most to attain, and gain, and keep? That is the first lord.

The second sorting determines the second most important thing, and that is the second lord, and sometimes the first lord and the second lord are at great odds, but the first lord will always in the ending of every controversy, win the tussle.

Then we determine the third sort, and the fourth sort, and the fifth sort, and we sort out everything that is important from the not so important and the unimportant. Then we look at what we have sorted out that is unimportant. We ask, why are these things unimportant? We will find that some or all of them are important, the cost being too great to forfeit them, or they may not be important nor should have ever been there at all, taking up a space and a span. And we look at the not so important, and may find that they cannot be forfeited. And then we look at the important, and we find that possibly we have been following an illusional life, and a life that will not profit, and a life that will be as nothing, and a life that in its ending will have no meaning, nor purpose, and have done no good to anyone, even me.

For we have but one lord, and though we have a hundred sub-lords, there is but one lord, and that one lord will win every controversy, and every battle, and every war, whether that lord be good or evil. If that lord be evil, it will destroy every other righteous lord, and if that lord be good, it will destroy every evil lord. We cannot serve two lords. We must make a choice. That choice is called eternal life, the life of the Spirit of righteousness, or a living death, that life of sensual, temporal pleasures of the flesh.

When we were growing up, we had all kinds of fantasies about adulthood, from becoming rich, to getting married, to having great careers, all childhood dreams and plannings, and as we achieved these adventures, they hurt us; they harmed us; they turned to disasters; few fruiting goodness and happiness, or no enduring happiness. We were children. Even if it began happy, and continued happy for a long, long time, the ending was still debilitating and crumpled into a nightmare where once was a dream.

How do we deal with everything turning to ashes? How do we accept broken dreams? broken marriages? lost careers? lost loved ones? shattered efforts? How do we deal with reality after living our childhood's in dreams and hopes, that one by one are revealed to be the fantasies they were, hopeless hopes, and dreams that burst like bubbles?

Get an education. That was a pursuit. I got an education. I still stumbled and was hurt and hurt others. Education is on the outside. Pain is on the inside. I got married. That was a pursuit. I still stumbled and was hurt and hurt others. Marriage is on the outside. Pain is on the inside. I wanted children. That was a pursuit. I did that. I was hurt, and hurt others. Having children is on the outside. Pain is on the inside. What do you do with that pain that is on the inside? Nothing satisfies it. Nothing heals it.

When we as children lived in dreams and growing up and all those things we were going to do and accomplish, we were sustained by these dreams. We were able to make it through each day living in our dreams. We were able to silence the nagging pains of a mother and father fighting all the time, living in our dreams. We were able to put aside the fears of death, and war, and poverty, and hunger, by simply living in our dreams of all that we were going to do. We were going to get married to some wonderful man, and have many children, and he was going to take care of us and the children, and we would simply live happily ever after. No one could take away my dreams. They were real. They were true. If I worked at them real hard, they would come to pass. So I worked at every one of them. They all came to pass. They all brought unhealable pains on the inside that could not be healed by all and everything good on the outside. I needed to quit dreaming and face reality, and begin there.

I had to look at where and how I was planted, then look at the fruit, and cut from my inward parts and my outward parts, all the fruit that was unrighteous, dishonest, unclean, unworthy, unacceptable, and when I did all those things, there was nothing left. I had to plant a new tree to get some new fruit. I had to leave everyone else out of this, and convert just myself, for I do not live with anyone but myself. I would stop blaming others for what I was, and clean up my own house, not looking for happiness in others, but in myself, not looking for blame in others, but in myself, not looking to please anyone else, but just finding peace in myself alone, learning to live in a contentment of life itself, being thankful for life, and that life is in the mind, and in the heart, not dependent on things, or on people, or on good times, or on bad times, or on anything outside of its own self.

The mind and the heart together are one bundle of energy, one bundle of power, that finds all things in just itself, all peace, all joy, all contentment, all strength, and all good. Once you get there, you are really ready to tackle life, and death, and even, eternity with an exciting expectation, every day. Any other path brings a futility of loss, a fear of abandonment, and a striving to hold on to that lord of passion, that lord of lust, that need to have things, and people, and accomplishments. All these things fail in time, and dump you back into the heart, and into the mind, and then what?

For we are but emotions, and everything hits first, the emotions. First, every impact, evil or good, hits the feelings. We feel things. First, we always feel things. Then we start to think about them. But first, we feel them. And these feelings come from the human nature. Everything first hits the feelings. It is in that first impact that sin or righteousness is immediately manifested. Therefore, we must first of all learn to let that first wave hit us and wash on over us, and then we will be ready for the second wave. That first wave is the carnal. We must learn to let it roll on over us, and then we can think and put into action and practice our mind, and our heart, and that is the issue of life itself, and whether we joy in life, or want to get the crap out of it. The only true love is righteousness, and apart from righteousness, there is no love, only passion and lust without fidelity.

Some women grow up determined to control a man by any measure they can, usually by the sensuality's of the flesh. As deceiving as a woman will be with Christ is as deceiving as a woman will be with her mate. Some women in childhood have been molested by their fathers, or have lived in a household where the husband or father was so domineering, he warped the forming emotional structures of the whole family, male and female children both struggling for a place, not knowing or seeing an example of how men and women should bear life’s responsibilities, some even despising the weaknesses of the mother for not being more resistant to the male lording.

And some households have an aggressive mother figure that seems to destroy any form of the male authority in the home, and a little girl grows up determined not to be like her mother. A woman’s heart is even formed by terrible or unpleasant or painful encounters with lovers or even husbands, and these things fuel her obsession to put down the male ego by domineering the household, with subtleties, with seductions, with a pretense at the truth, and with illusions of knowledge. These women appear to be the mature ones, leading and guiding the lesser, pretending submission when it is an evil, seductive, almost satanical possession of another’s soul and flesh as well. These women do not want to be like their mothers, weak and controlled, and these same women want to lord it over every male, using any and all things to do so, inwardly despising the male ego, because of their father’s egotistical lording.

Or, a woman will resent her father if she grew up in a mother’s domineering home, calling him weak and cowardly, unable to be a man. Few children grow up in a functional family. Most families are disfunctional in one form or another. And so, all little girls grow up and enter into adulthood filled with fantasies, and dreams, and suitcases of hopes and desires, ready to find their dream mates, their protectors, their knights in shining armour.

Chapter 1 What Every Woman Needs To Know (About Herself)
Chapter 2 In What Were We Planted?
Chapter 3 Planting The New Tree
Chapter 4 Fantasies, The Hidden Shame
Chapter 5 How To Break Free
Chapter 6 The Tree Of Life

Excerpts Taken From What Every Woman Needs To Know, Written By Martha ©